Thursday, May 31, 2007
So I'm writing this with shaky hands as I slowly sip upon my second cup of coffee for the day. My second, very large, and very strong cup of coffee. My last cup of coffee until who knows when.
You see, I used to take breaks. I used to give up caffeine for a period of time every year. I used to do a cleanse or a fast every now and again. But the last couple of years I've been indulging, full speed ahead, every single day, without a break. It's time to slow down a bit. Or at least, tomorrow it will be. Famous last words, eh?
Truth be told, I feel like complete and utter crap much of the time. Sure, I still manage to pack a lot of fun into my life. But sometimes I feel like an 80 year old woman, all achey and sluggish and constantly exhausted. Probably 90% of the reason I'm always running around like a madwoman is so that I can attempt to avoid feeling just how bad I really feel. Sad, but true.
So now, at least for a little while, I'm going to cut out caffeine, alcohol, sugar and carbs. And I know, I'll probably feel worse before I feel better. But I have to try. And it wouldn't hurt to lose the spare tire either.
But oh lord, do I dread those first days without coffee. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am completely unfit for human company until I've had my coffee. Every day I drag myself out of bed kicking and screaming, with puffy eyes and a pained look upon my face that does not fade until I've had those first few sips. I'm crying already at the thought of it...but I'm trying to remain motivated by the notion that EVENTUALLY, I'm going to feel good again.
And really, how can I expect to accomplish anything in my life if I can't break an addiction? I just have to show myself that I can. I used to be able to, and I can again. And I will, just as soon as I drain every last bit of strong-as-rocket-fuel-caffeinated-goodness from this cup.