Welcome Home

Or maybe should I say, welcome to my new bulk goods cabinet! Yes, these kinds of things excite me. I am love, love, LOVING the new digs. This cabinet was originally used to house an ironing board, but I try to never own anything that requires ironing! And on the rare occasion that I may find myself needing to iron in the future, I'll just pull the old ironing board out of the BASEMENT. Oh, to have a basement to keep things! It's a wonderful luxury, to be sure.

And speaking of the basement.... last night I discovered a remnant left behind by the previous owners of the house: a small container filled with old teeth. You know, just in case we break some of ours and need a replacement tooth, there is a variety to choose from! Little teeth, big teeth, teeth with fillings. Yeah, it's kind of creepy and gross but I refuse to let it stop me from loving this place! I don't know where the teeth came from and I'm not sure I want to know, but the vibe here is good, that much is for certain.

It's been completely hectic getting moved out of the old place and into the new place, hence my extreme lack of posting. But little by little, progress is happening. Meals are being cooked. Grass is growing. Boxes are getting unpacked, and despite the chaos, it all feels wonderful!

Padron Pepper Break

The chaos around here continues, along with the poor nutrition and sloppy surroundings. I think I've gained five pounds in the last week alone, due to the interruption in my normal way of eating/cooking...as in, I haven't really been cooking. And as much as I sometimes enjoy eating out, after two or three meals in a row, I just long for something simple and cooked with my own hands. But with the kitchen 75% dismantled (and my whole life, for that matter), there just hasn't been the time, nor the mental space.

Thankfully, in spite of the chaos in here, out there in the yard, the garden just keeps on growing. As it turns out, the garden doesn't really care about your chaos as long as you remember to give it a little love, attention and water. And so far, it hasn't been TOO busy in here to remember to do that. And so the garden has rewarded us.

Tonight, and seemingly overnight, we discovered a big fat handful of Padron peppers that were ripe for the picking. And pick them we did, along with one perfect tomato. I can hardly wait to fry the peppers tomorrow and eat them with sliced tomatoes and just picked lettuce from the garden. It will be the most perfect antidote to all the heavy, fat-filled takeout meals we've been eating, and I can hardly wait.

As much as I'm looking forward to completing this move and making that first feast in the new place, I'm really savoring the last days of being here and enjoying this wonderful garden. I really hope that whomever lives here next will want to keep on nurturing it and loving it and growing it and in turn, be rewarded by its lovely abundance.

Until next time, cheers!

New Digs

I became a homeowner (again) on Thursday, July 8th, 2010. I'm still kind of pinching myself about it. How did that happen?!

I spent so much time over the last few months worrying about what would happen if I *didn't* get the place, if the loan *didn't* come through, that I neglected to really consider the enormity of what it would be like if everything DID come through.

Well, it did! And soon, I'll be off to a new (but admittedly, smaller) kitchen with marble counter tops and a new stove! Abundant closet space and windows! More than one bathroom! A music room and a guest room, oh my!

And yet, in spite of how thrilled I am, I'm a little freaked out about it too. I fear my days of eating out are over for the foreseeable future. I even had a nightmare recently, thanks to being too addicted to The Wire, that I was about to go to prison to serve time for being a heroin dealer. And I wasn't worried about life in prison, or leaving my friends and family behind, oh no. I was only worried that I'd lose my house because I wouldn't be able to pay my mortgage. Uh, someone needs to step away from the television set. But that shouldn't be very difficult, because suddenly it feels like every single day and night for the next many months will be swallowed up by the act of dismantling one place and shoving its contents into boxes, transporting them to another place and bit by bit, turning that new place into a warm, cozy, inviting, comforting home. It's a project that could take a long, long time. And also, one that I am delighted to be able to sink my teeth into.

It's going to be a slow process getting all the stuff from here to there, one that will take the next several weeks. It's a little overwhelming. Our current digs are more chaotic than ever, filled with half-packed boxes and nervous dogs and a sloppy, stuff-strewn kitchen, and a fridge full of limp vegetables that have been sadly lacking attention. So tonight I chopped and stirred into a pot whatever I could find in there - onion, celery, carrots, cabbage, tomato sauce, potatoes, cooked pinto beans and yogurt. And from the pantry: french green lentils and quinoa and garlic. You might not call it delicious or even cohesive, but it wasn't bad either, and we called it dinner...and also, we called it Slop, Goulash, Gruel and Clean Out the Fridge Stew.

Something tells me I might have to get used to this kind of thing for the next little while - to that and eating takeout. But I am by no means complaining. I keep dreaming of the first meal I'll cook in the new place while the sunlight streams through the window with the stereo blasting, even though that time seems like light years away. I have no idea what it will be, or even when, but at least now, it's closer than it ever was before, and I am very thankful.

Green Things

It's not easy being green sometimes. I had such high hopes for this big pile of fresh fava beans that a friend from work gave me. I also had peas, lemons, white wine, and a little cream. And some pasta. Should have been all the makings for a perfect summer meal, right?

Well who are we kidding? Summer in the Bay area is all about bleak, grey skies. And bleak about sums up the end result after all my time spent tirelessly shucking the fava beans and slipping each little bugger from its skin. I just really don't know how to make a cream sauce, as it turns out. And I don't know how to fake it either.

As it happens, I guess I'm good at making grey goop, because after sauteing the favas & peas with a little garlic & olive oil, and adding some splashes of white wine, lemon juice and half & half, I decided it might be good to puree some of the mixture to make a sauce. Except it didn't make a sauce, it made something more like the consistency of... goop.

So I added some pasta water and kept on pureeing. And despite my efforts, it never really became sauce. But after all this work, I couldn't waste it. So onto the pasta it went. I wouldn't call it a BAD dinner, but I wouldn't exactly call it good either. Oh well, I guess they can't all be winners. Note to self: next time, follow a recipe.



There was a consolation prize however. I ventured out into the garden after dinner and noticed the kale plants are getting quite hardy, especially now that we've successfully beaten the slugs, with a little help from iron phosphate slug bait. Wish I'd discovered the stuff before the slimy jerks managed to eat half the garden, but better late than never. Just looking at this kale, I'm already feeling confident that tomorrow's dinner will be much better than tonight's. Some kinds of green are easy after all, and thank goodness for that.

Homemade Corn Tortillas

Why buy tortillas at the store when you can make your own??? If you thought you couldn't make your own, I'm going to beg to differ, cause I'm going to show you how. It's not that hard, I promise, you'll see! Now I'm sure you can find many places on the web to learn how to do this, but I've been making my own quite a bit lately, and several people have mentioned they'd like to see a tutorial of sorts, so here is my humble take on the matter.

I'm sure I still have a lot to learn , but I think at least for now, I've finally gotten to the point where I can make these babies with some amount of confidence that I'll slay my dinner guests when it's taco night. Ok, granted, usually the only ones eating them are just me and my honey, but I'm telling you, these tortillas slay the living crap out of us, so much so that we now look for ANY EXCUSE to have taco night!

And you know what else is cool? They're CHEAP! You can't beat delicious AND inexpensive!

You'll see from the pictures below that I use a tortilla press to flatten the little balls of masa into tortillas. You can buy one for about $10 - $20 at your local Mexican grocery store, and there are also many places they are available online, like here for instance. (And that big boy in the background is Bloom, who is very interested in taco night, as is Spider, who was busy working on her beauty sleep when this shot was taken.)

The next thing you'll need is some masa harina, which is very finely ground corn flour made from corn that has been dried, cooked, ground up and dried again. The cooking water always contains slaked lime, also known as “limewater,” which gives masa harina its distinctive taste. I use the Maseca brand, which you can also get at your local Mexican grocery store. However, your local store just might carry the fresh masa, in which case you won't have to mix the dough yourself. If you're working from the masa harina, here's how you do it. This recipe makes enough for 8 tortillas, but of course you can double or triple it as you see fit.

Measure out 1 cup of the masa harina, stir in 1/8 teaspoon salt, and slowly stir in 2/3 cup water. Stir it well until a dough forms.
If the dough seems too dry & cakey, slowly and in small increments, add a little more water.

I've found that it works best when the dough ends up being the consistency of Playdough - smooth, pliable and a little bit moist.

You want to be able to easily separate the dough into 8 pieces which you can roll into balls. Once you've done this part, cover the bowl with a damp towel in order to keep them moist.

Now you're ready to press the tortillas. Place a sheet of plastic wrap on either side of your tortilla press and place one of the balls in the middle of the bottom side of the press.

Now pull the arm down and press!

Open carefully, and gently remove the tortilla.

Place it into a pre-heated skillet over medium heat. I use a very well seasoned cast iron skillet, but you can also use a nonstick. The main point is that you don't want the tortillas to stick.

Cook them for a little less than one minute per side, and then you're done!




You can eat your tacos right away, with or without cheap wine from Trader Joe's. Load the tacos up with whatever suits your fancy, and pat yourself on the back for a job well done.

Pesky Pesticides

If you live in California, perhaps you saw the recent headline which read "State Poised to OK supertoxic pesticide"? You can read all about it here, but the basic gist of it is that the state of California has this crazy idea that it might be ok to allow the use of methyl iodide in our soil.

Among other things, methyl iodide is such a reliable cause of cancer that it's used in labs to induce cancer. Breathing methyl iodide fumes can cause lung, liver, kidney and central nervous system damage. It causes nausea, dizziness, coughing and vomiting. Prolonged contact with skin causes burns. Massive inhalation causes pulmonary edema. But astonishingly, those that govern our fine state think it's just a swell idea to dump this crap into our soil. I wonder how much money the pesticide lobbyists paid for this? I am outraged, but then, it's not terribly surprising considering that we live in a world where corporations regularly get away with destroying our environment, right, BP?

Although I have very little hope that it will make a difference, Governor Schwarzenegger is taking comments regarding the use of this poison until the end of this month. I made the call and I hope you will too, and I hope you'll also pass it on. You can reach the Gov. at 916-445-2841. You can also sign a petition to be submitted to the EPA here, and keep updated by visiting the Pesticide Action Network.

Meanwhile, our little garden here is plugging away, with lots of squash blossoms and tomatoes peaking out from tiny flowers, and the kale is growing like weeds. The basil seems to be getting devoured by slugs, but I'm not feeling a need to poison the soil with cancer causing chemicals! I was thinking I'd start with treating the little slimy creatures to a cup of beer or a sprinkling of salt. Cause beer and salt aren't only good in the kitchen!

Moroccan Carrot Salad

Ok, I just made the best salad, so good that I had to stop right now, my belly close to bursting, and tell you about it.

But first, I have to tell you that yesterday we went to the Grand Lake Farmers Market, specifically to have lunch at our friend Jenya's booth. She's one of the proprietors and chefs of Vesta Flatbread, and we are big fans of not only Jenya, but of all the wonderful culinary delights created by the folks at Vesta. If you live in the Bay area, please do yourself a favor and go enjoy a Vesta Flatbread sandwich and beverage.

I guarantee you that once you've tried it, you'll be hooked. Jenya & her partner Traci use only the finest, highest quality, locally sourced ingredients. And they create delicious offerings whether you are a carnivore or a vegetarian.

So while we were at the market, we picked up some beautiful, crunchy, super sweet baby carrots from the Happy Boy Farm booth. If you're used to eating those bagged peeled baby carrots, trust me, there is no comparison. These baby carrots are so good you can just basically eat them straight up, and I frequently do!

But tonight, I thought it would be good to feature them in a salad, and it so happened that I had mint in the garden and greek yogurt and homemade harrisa in the fridge. Once I got to chopping and slicing, it didn't take long to realize that I was onto something inspired, something I know will be making regular appearances in our kitchen. The following description is more of a guide since I didn't really measure anything, but hopefully you'll get the picture, and feel free to improvise as you see fit!

First, peel (or don't, if you don't feel inspired to do so) enough fresh baby carrots so you have about a small handful for each person at the table. Then chop them into bite sized pieces and drizzle a little olive oil over them, and sprinkle with salt.

For each serving, you'll want to plop a small dollop of yogurt into a bowl, and stir into that yogurt about a teaspoon or so of harissa. Stir it up and then stir it into the carrots. Squeeze a little fresh lemon juice into it and give it another stir. Thinly slice about 2-3 mint sprigs per serving, and stir those into the salad. If you feel like it, top it with a little crushed red pepper. Dig in and crunch away.

Happiness is a Roasted Beet

The month of April has flown by with all kinds of birthday festivities, all of which included amazing eating, some of it local and some of it in faraway places. And I've been reminded once again that sometimes, the best meal of the vacation is the one you make on the night you get back. And the night after that, even.

Most recently, we just got back from the Oregon coast and it was wondrous, gorgeous, perfect in every way. We ate the freshest seafood every single day, usually several times a day. But after a few days, I was sick to death of eating out. It wasn't as if we didn't have a kitchen in which to cook, it's just that we weren't as prepared as we'd like to be, so we went with the flow and ate out in some really good restaurants. But still, by the end of the trip, as much as I was loving the fish and the beer and the wine, damn if I wasn't dreaming of vegetables.

And so after a twelve hour day yesterday that included ten hours of driving, we couldn't help but stop at the market on the way home and pick up some fresh spinach and feta to make what ended up being the most delicious spinach salad ever. And tonight's dinner included another spinach salad but this time topped with roasted beets, courtesy of our dear friend Lucio who'd left them here in our fridge. I was so struck by the color of the beets after roasting, I had to share.



Oh, but there is so much more to catch up on! And catch up, we will, but for now, I'm headed to sleep with visions of beets and broccoli dancing in my head. More to come just as soon as I'm able to catch my breath!

Best Friends Forever!

Is there no end to my obsession with writing songs about dogs? I never even knew I had that obsession until I started this project!

Today's song was inspired by the true love story of Tara and Bella - an elephant and a dog. Do yourself a favor and watch this little clip; it'll warm the bitterest of hearts!



Upon learning about these two magnificent creatures and their sweetest, most wonderful friendship, I got in touch with my inner Madonna and wrote this little bit:

A Couple More

The birthday week fun has begun! I was too busy being showered with flowers and wine and sushi yesterday to post a song. I know... my life is VERY HARD!

So today I'll post two. Actually one is a song and one is a very goofy spoken word piece. You may not like it, but I bet your dog would, if only (s)he could speak English!

Just a reminder that if you want to read the lyrics or find out more about the writing of the song, click on the song title.

The Andiron Seaside Inn

A day sure can make a difference.

We woke up Saturday morning and packed an overnight bag, piled the dogs into the wagon, and headed to Mendocino to stay overnight at the Andiron Seaside Inn. Highly recommended if you find yourself traveling up that way! In fact, even if you didn't think you'd be finding yourself up that way, do yourself a favor and plan a trip!

The owners, Scott and Madeline are two of the kindest people you could ever meet. I'd met them years ago when I was a bartender at Lanesplitter. Not only were they two of my favorite customers, but they are also responsible for making the Lanesplitter Action Figures, including mine! They bought this place a year or two ago and have renovated it in the coolest vintage style, with each room unique. Our room was furnished with vintage barber chairs and art-deco lighting. We really appreciated the extra friendly touches, like dog towels and biscuits for Spider & Bloom!



(The reason you see only one biscuit there is because Bloom devoured his immediately, before I could get a photo. That blur of grey you see in the bottom right hand corner is Spider's snout, attempting to make her way directly so that she could devour hers too!)

And if that wasn't nice enough, we were also greeted with a little something to help me kick off my birthday week!



The Andiron was such a sweet and cozy place that we almost didn't want to leave it! But we had to get out and take in some of that gorgeous coastline. And so after Happy Hour at the Andiron, we managed to get to the bar at the Little River Inn just in time to enjoy a delicious dinner and a fine sunset.



As if all of this wasn't enough, we also managed to pack in some thrift shopping and several brewery visits. How can you see the largest pepper grinder you've ever seen in your life, for only one mere dollar, and NOT buy it?? After all, we do love black pepper around here. A lot!



By the time we arrived home on Sunday evening, I felt rested, refreshed and renewed, and very thankful for all of it!

But now, now it's Monday, and if it seemed like I was getting a little too perky and optimistic, here's a little something for balance. It's called (A by no means complete) List of Things that Could Go Wrong. A fitting song for a Monday. Enjoy!

Song of the Day

Just back from a wonderful day and night in Mendocino. What a difference a day makes! More to come, including pics! But for now, I couldn't let the day get away without posting today's song. Just a reminder that you can click on the song title in order to find out more info. about the song, and to read the lyrics.

A Song and a Getaway

Yes, I'm liking this month a lot already!

Soon we'll be headed out the door to go and hang out here. It's probably going to rain all weekend but it will be beautiful nonetheless.

Before I go, here's a little something for you to listen to:

Dog Love...

... is the song of the day. It's a good kind of love. I can't promise it's a good kind of song, but here it is, for better or for worse.



To learn more about the writing of the song, and to read the lyrics, click on the title of the song.

Thanks for listening!

Lend Me Your Ears and I'll Sing You a Song...

... but I can't promise it'll be perfectly in key, as this month, it's all about demos!

If you've been reading this blog for awhile, then surely you've gathered a little about my recent creative frustrations. What follows is my attempt to break through that and hopefully move forward by spending a little time revisiting the past.

Welcome to A Song A Day in April, wherein I sift through and dust off old songs, new songs, and demos that have never seen the light of day (and perhaps, a few that never were *meant* to see the light of day!).

I'll mostly be posting previously unreleased demos, most of them largely unedited, many recorded moments after I wrote them, or even AS I was writing them, thanks to my participation in the Immersion Composition Society.

In some of my previous years of living, I've begun each year by writing one song each day for as long as I could manage to keep it going. But at this particular point in my life, I'm doing a lot of looking back.

April is the month of my birth, and possibly it’s purely coincidental that I'm turning 41 this month and so, perhaps, you could call this a part of my mid-life crisis, who knows? I've been feeling pretty creatively blocked over the last couple of years, and this project began in part because I was revisiting some of my orphaned songs in an attempt to get myself unstuck. In the process I realized that maybe I wasn’t stuck after all – maybe I was just working on finding my way.

Anyway, I discovered a few gems – and a few turds too – but mostly just had a great time revisiting the orphans! Some of them I may never want to revisit again, others may find their way into my live performances. For now, I'm just having fun digging through the old stuff, taking stock and working on finding a place from which to spring forward. I'm hoping that perhaps there are a few people out there who might appreciate this process and want to listen in.

Not sure where we're going to end up, but am looking forward to the journey, and would be delighted to have you riding shotgun with me.

And with that, here is today's song:

Hidden Treasures

Ah, Spring! It seems to have finally sprung.

Yesterday was the day I'd been waiting for since pretty much the beginning of winter. It was the day we'd finally clear out our jungle and prepare to turn it into a garden!

Of course, this would be no small task, and I've got the aching muscles today to prove it, even though the mister did a lot more of the heavy duty hard work than I did.



Little by little, we hacked at, whacked at, and ripped those stubborn weeds out of the ground. And somewhere underneath one of those sections of jungle, it was such a thrill to discover a little carrot patch that had just been sitting there for months and months, doing its own thing, minding its own business, not seeming to mind our months and months of neglect. Nature is pretty darn cool that way.



We didn't quite get to the actual planting of the garden yet, but that will happen soon. We still have to till the soil and get the plants. But for now, I'm quite pleased with the results of the day's work, and looking forward to enjoying the fruits (and vegetables!) of our labors!



It's nice, in so many ways, to have a clean slate from which to spring forward, and I sure am ready for it.

Triumphant!

...that's how I felt on Sunday when I finally wrote a song that I didn't want to throw into the toilet. The irony is that I was on the verge of giving up. In fact, I had given up. I had spent a good many hours that day procrastinating. But I had also spent a good many hours that day attempting to work on one very specific concept for a song.

Over and over I strummed, I picked, I wrote, I re-wrote, I sang, I hummed, I hacked, I thrashed and I sighed heavily. Because no matter what I did or how I did it, I just wasn't feeling it. Not one tiny bit.

And finally, after many hours like this, I just said screw it, I'm done with this. And for some inexplicable reason I picked up the guitar and a bunch of words came to me...words about giving up and not giving a shit that you're giving up and not giving a shit whether anyone cares that you're giving up, and feeling somehow completely liberated, feeling like you're finally seeing the light that you couldn't see because you were too busy obsessing over sticking with the thing you were trying to do in the first place, the thing that wasn't working anyway. And a melody came along with it, and a little teeny hook, and about ten minutes later, there was a song. A song that I didn't feel the need to flush down the toilet. A song that I never planned for or expected to harvest from the depths of my admittedly neurotic soul.

And suddenly I felt like I was exactly where I needed to be, doing exactly what I needed to be doing, and it was such a wonderful, perfect feeling, the likes of which I haven't felt in far too long. I wanted to jump up and down, do a little jig, alert the media. Who knew that my creative block and complete and utter panic over it would be the very thing that would finally inspire me move through said block?

Is the song the best thing I've ever written? Probably not, not even by a long shot. But it showed me something that I needed to see, inspired me to feel something that I needed to feel. It reaffirmed my belief (the one that was starting to wane) that if I just show up and do the work, the music will eventually come, and for that, I am so grateful. Please feel free to remind me of that the next time I start whining and ranting, won't you?

Bachelor Dinner

The other day I was out with my honey and a friend of ours, and the topic of bachelor dinners came up. That's the generic term I use for when you're flying solo for dinner, which hardly ever happens to me anymore. My honey and I, we eat dinner together almost every night. We like it. It's nice, and it works well for us. It works especially well for me because first, I'm a control freak and like to be in charge of what we're eating most nights, and second, since most of the time I do the cooking, that means I hardly ever have to do the dishes! So for these reasons, and also because I love to cook, most of the time we eat at home, together. And if on a certain night we find ourselves feeling unmotivated or just plain out of stuff to cook, we just go out and grab something, and more often than not that something ends up being tacos or a burrito, or sometimes pizza.

But back in the olden days, I almost always kept a frozen pizza in the freezer, a box of mac & cheese in the cupboard, and microwave popcorn for when I couldn't even be bothered to turn on the oven or boil water. Or sometimes I just ate oatmeal, or bread and cheese. I must admit that occasionally, I kind of miss those days. Don't get me wrong - I was endlessly lonely and some might even say bitter! I wouldn't trade what I've got now for anything, especially not those days! But sometimes I miss flying solo, just going with the impulse to do whatever I feel inspired to do in the moment without giving any thought to what anyone else might want or need. Earlier this week, I had of one of those nights. I got home from a long day at work followed by an intense yoga class that made me feel like my legs were going to separate from my body. Alas, there was no mac & cheese or frozen pizza to be found and I just didn't have the energy to leave the house again. But there was a can of black beans which soon became refried beans, and corn tortillas in the freezer, and zucchini in the fridge that took me as long to steam as it took to defrost a tortilla in the toaster oven, open the beans and throw them in the pan with some shallots, garlic and spices, and soon enough, there were tacos. Within about ten minutes I had a bachelor dinner that was significantly better than the mac & cheese or frozen pizza would have been anyway!

But guess what? I'm on my own this weekend while my rock star boyfriend jets off to play music in NYC. Me, I'm planning to lock myself in the house for most of the weekend and try to write as much music as possible in the hopes of finally breaking through the longest period of writer's block I've ever experienced. And just in case I get hungry and don't feel like cooking, yesterday I bought a frozen pizza, and I'm not ashamed to say that I can't wait to pop that baby in the oven, and maybe even eat it standing up!

Getting Unstuck

Last Saturday I attempted once again to write and record songs from 8 am until 7 pm. This time I came up with 7 "pieces", none of which turned out to be keepers, but I'm encouraged that I was able to come up with anything at all. I didn't feel *quite* as manic and neurotic and hopeless as I'd felt during the previous session, and that in and of itself is progress! Now might be a good time for me to re-read the most excellent book Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott - highly recommended if you haven't read it. Hell, maybe it'll even get me unstuck in the blogging department too, you never know!

So Much Soup, Not So Much Song

Tonight I made the most delicious soup, so delicious it thrilled me a little bit. Said soup was the Tom Yum (hot and sour lemongrass) soup from the cookbook Bhudda's Table by Chat Mingkwan, whose subtitle is "Thai Feasting Vegetarian Style". This soup will cure what ails you. It's nicely spicy thanks to the wickedly hot thai chiles, but more than that, it's just perfectly balanced thanks to the combination of fresh lemongrass, shallots, galangal, lime juice and chili paste. I dare say it tasted *almost* as good as a soup you'd get in a real Thai restaurant. I've been feeling pretty good these days but if I should succumb to the winter cold or flu, I know exactly what soup I'll be eating to warm the bones and clear out the sinuses!

I can't even count the number of pots of soup I've made recently. A favorite one that I've made again and again is this Japanese Hot Pot recipe by Tadashi Ono and Harris Salat, featuring the completely addictive combination of kabocha squash, taro root, and both dried and fresh mushrooms, just for starters.

Yes, soup has been coming out of my ears. Soup has been constantly flowing in my kitchen. But what about the song??? I just wish that I could write songs the way I can make soup. I mean, yes, I can follow a recipe, oh boy can I. And much of the time, I can improvise a pot of soup based upon whatever I happen to have sitting around in the fridge. Like last week, I had some cooked blackeyed peas, which I combined with sweet potatoes and yams, coconut milk and spinach and kelp noodles, and it was a bona fide hit. The idea for that soup was inspired by a friend who is recovering from surgery, whom I had signed up to make soup for during her recovery. I was pretty sure that this combination of flavors would appeal to her, and it turns out she loved it. And so did I!

But where songwriting is concerned, it seems that I have found myself in a bona fide SLUMP! I used to write a lot. A lot of it was crap but it turned out that some of it was good. But in the past year especially, I've hardly written any music at all. And it has left me seriously questioning my life as a songwriter and also, feeling pretty out of sorts about it all. And so last weekend I finally pulled my head out of my ass and decided to do something about it. Last weekend I participated, once again, in my lodge's version of the Immersion Composition Society. The short description is that we pick a day, and on that day, we each write AND record as many songs as possible in that given day. And then we meet up that night to play for our cohorts the fruits of our labors from the day. And each time I've done it, even though it has been frustrating and scary and maddening, it's never failed to help me find inspiration I never even dreamed of previously. And more often than not, I've usually ended up with a song or two that was a keeper.

Well last weekend, I had a crisis. I spent a good 8 hours writing and strumming and doing my best to create songs out of thin air. But about halfway through the day, I was seriously distraught. I wasn't coming up with anything that wasn't completely ridiculous or self-indulgent. Or whiny. Or Just.Plain.Lame. I thought to myself that perhaps my life as a songwriter has come to an end. And I wrote page after page of blather. I tried to be kind to myself and tell myself that I just needed to get unstuck and that maybe after being stuck for so long, that it might take awhile to get unstuck. And I alternated those kinds of sentiments with other kinds of sentiments, sentiments that aren't nearly so kind or forgiving. You know... the kinds of sentiments that say forget it, you suck, you'll never utter another interesting word again, and you should maybe just give it up and spend the rest of your days in the kitchen making soup. Because you KNOW how to do that. And honestly, if I spent the rest of my days making soup and not song, life wouldn't be so bad. But the truth is, I'm just not ready to give up the SONG part of me yet. So I'm trying to listen to the kinder parts of myself and making some effort to ignore the not so kind parts, for now anyway.

I am not yet unstuck, but maybe I'm not still completely stuck. Maybe it's a fine, fine line. And so I'm just going to keep chipping away and see where it leads me. It might just lead me straight back into the kitchen, soothing myself with soup or copious amounts of alcohol, who knows? But that thrill that I had when I slurped the first spoonful of tonight's soup... I'd love to have that kind of thrill again after having finished a song, a song that feels good. A song that might make other people feel good, too. Wish me luck, cause I feel like I really need it.