Over and over I strummed, I picked, I wrote, I re-wrote, I sang, I hummed, I hacked, I thrashed and I sighed heavily. Because no matter what I did or how I did it, I just wasn't feeling it. Not one tiny bit.
And finally, after many hours like this, I just said screw it, I'm done with this. And for some inexplicable reason I picked up the guitar and a bunch of words came to me...words about giving up and not giving a shit that you're giving up and not giving a shit whether anyone cares that you're giving up, and feeling somehow completely liberated, feeling like you're finally seeing the light that you couldn't see because you were too busy obsessing over sticking with the thing you were trying to do in the first place, the thing that wasn't working anyway. And a melody came along with it, and a little teeny hook, and about ten minutes later, there was a song. A song that I didn't feel the need to flush down the toilet. A song that I never planned for or expected to harvest from the depths of my admittedly neurotic soul.
And suddenly I felt like I was exactly where I needed to be, doing exactly what I needed to be doing, and it was such a wonderful, perfect feeling, the likes of which I haven't felt in far too long. I wanted to jump up and down, do a little jig, alert the media. Who knew that my creative block and complete and utter panic over it would be the very thing that would finally inspire me move through said block?
Is the song the best thing I've ever written? Probably not, not even by a long shot. But it showed me something that I needed to see, inspired me to feel something that I needed to feel. It reaffirmed my belief (the one that was starting to wane) that if I just show up and do the work, the music will eventually come, and for that, I am so grateful. Please feel free to remind me of that the next time I start whining and ranting, won't you?