Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Dum Dums for Dumb Dumbs

Dum Dums for Dumb Dumbs

Holy Hell! Fall is here and Halloween is just around the corner.  As in, tomorrow! And you know what that means - fat season is here too!  The gluttony always starts with the little mister's birthday in early October, and it kind of doesn't stop until we wake up in a bloated, sugar free and sober stupor on January 1st, cursing all that sugar and flour and boozy, carb-y good/badness!

Last year, we tried to do just a *little* something to head it off.  We tried to keep from eating all that damn Halloween candy.  And so stupidly, I realize now, we - meaning - I - bought suckers.  Not Blow Pops, not Tootsie Pops, no.  Just, Dum Dums.  I figured, it's candy, right?  It's free candy, what's not to like, you ungrateful little rascals?!  No really.  I seriously just thought that maybe if we bought something we didn't like, then we wouldn't eat it.  And I had no idea that Dum Dum suckers were SO SO LAME.  But, yeah, turns out, Dum Dums are lame.  And even if all 3 kids who showed up last year hadn't said so, all my friends verified:  Dum Dum suckers are LAME.  How did I not know this?  I really just thought that free candy = good candy, but not all candy is created equal.  And if I didn't know it before, I know it now.  When your 40-something friends chastise your idiocy in buying a candy as lame as a plain old SUCKER, well then, you might need to admit that maybe you really are the biggest sucker.  When your friends tell you that you MIGHT AS WELL PASS OUT RAISINS, it kind of makes you just shrivel.  Even if secretly, you really um, sort of like raisins.

Is there a moral to the story?  I don't know - but I guess this year we - and by we I mean I - will be buying something like Butterfingers or Snickers or Godiva Bon Bons or something.  And the little mister and I will just suck it up and try not to eat all 27 of the 30 pieces that don't get eaten by those non-sucker lovers.  Or maybe we'll just pass out 10 candies to each of the 3 trick-or-treaters!  Only time will tell!

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